What is happening to me? Is the question I have been asking myself, I feel weak but my determination is still alive and my will to push myself is also still alive? I felt so sorry for myself yester evening as I did my run, I could not keep up with me. I was overcome with emotions while thoughts of “me” run through my mind the strong me that seem to be slipping away.
The me who got up a day after surgery and went for a mile long walk, the me who ran in the 5K race to cure breast cancer ten days after surgery and finished in good time, the me who a few years ago run a fathers day 5k fun run and won first place in my age group. Tears streamed down my eyes as I mourned “me” while running along a very busy sea wall the thought of what people may think of the tears while trying to run never crossed my mind.
I thought of the blood that was drawn yesterday afternoon and said a silent pray –
“God please let whatever is wrong be found better yet just miraculously please fix me”
I am now more determine than I have ever been, more committed than I have ever been to push ahead and at least get back to where I was or better yet run a marathon. First I need to be fixed, I need to get rid of the craving for dirt and all the little pesky feeling of not being at my best including my ability to run like me again. My sister suggests long distance walking like starting over and building back up to me well it is a good option if all else fails.
Work is still busy and might remain that way until after summer I will persevere approaching every challenge as if I am learning to walk – one foot in front of the other until I get to my destination
Tonight’s run was a little better than yesterday, I channelled the time I spent feeling sorry for me yesterday into pushing myself just as little harder and though not easy it work.